That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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