just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
