You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
