how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
