how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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