your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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