Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
