My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
