you guys were way drunker than both of me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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