I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
