In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
