If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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