Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
