Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
