just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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