my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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