a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
