When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
