Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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