look no pants
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
