it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
