I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I won the penis lottery.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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