I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
