Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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