the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
