PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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