I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No stitches, just platelets and will power
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
