I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
