dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
