Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
