Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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