pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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