This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
