sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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