Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
