I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
