She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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