I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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