somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
