the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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