Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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