I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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