Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
