how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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