Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
