your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
