New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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