Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
