'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
