Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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