Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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