i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
