Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
