I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
