Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
