just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
