I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
