Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
