just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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