If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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