I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
