I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We need to rekindle our bromance
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
should my penis look like a turkey
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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