last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
